A 'Non' Relationship' that's Actually a Relationship You Wouldn't Keep
When it comes to recognizing spiritual bypassing in relationships, there’s a clever little game the ego likes to play in spiritual circles. It looks something like this:
“We’re not in a relationship. This is just pure presence. No roles, no labels, no definitions… just Being.”
On the surface, it sounds beautiful. Elevated. Untethered. As if we’ve transcended the illusory world of form and entered some enlightened plane where intimacy is so pure it doesn’t need names.
But if we look a little closer, what we often find isn’t transcendence… it’s avoidance. 🌀 This is spiritual avoidance in relationships—a pattern of dodging intimacy and vulnerability while cloaking it all in sacred language.
Spiritual Bypassing and Intimacy: The Relationship That Shall Not Be Named
Spiritual avoidance often shows up as a refusal to acknowledge that a relationship is happening at all. One person keeps reaching out, keeps making contact, keeps showing up in the other’s experience… but insists, sometimes emphatically, that they are not in a relationship.
The irony? Their actions say otherwise. There are invitations, long texts, shared moments, even physical affection. 💕 But when it comes time to name what’s arising… or take responsibility for the effect their presence is having… they disappear behind a wall of wordless mystery.
“I’m just resting in silence.” “I’m not labeling anything.” “This is just love playing in form.”
It sounds holy. But often, it’s just fear dressed up as transcendence—a classic example of spiritual bypassing and intimacy confusion.
What’s Actually Happening?
When someone continually engages but refuses to acknowledge the reality of your connection, they are not being present. They are trying to control the narrative.
They want the benefits of relating without the vulnerability of being seen. They want your attention, your energy, maybe even your body… but not the honesty that makes connection truly sacred.
And while that may appear “spiritually free,” it often leaves the other person feeling confused, unseen, and invalidated.
Because clarity is love. Honesty is love. And vagueness in the name of non-attachment is just a shield for unprocessed fear. 💛
The Illusion of Non-Relating
Here’s the kicker: insisting that something isn’t a relationship while relating consistently is not a spiritual insight… it’s spiritual avoidance.
Relationship is simply the condition of relating. If you are texting, meeting up, hugging, sharing ideas… you’re relating. Pretending otherwise doesn’t remove the dynamic… it just hides it in shadow.
And what hides in shadow festers. It projects imbalance, distance, and distortion… all while masquerading as sacred detachment. This is spiritual bypassing in action.
Choosing Truth Over Games: Ending Spiritual Bypassing in Relationships
True spiritual connection is honest. It doesn’t require labels… but it also doesn’t flinch at them. 🤍 It acknowledges what is unfolding without trying to dissolve it prematurely. It owns the effect we have on each other. It names what’s present so it can be offered to the light. ✨🗫️
We don’t purify by avoiding. We purify by seeing. 👁️ And naming what we see is part of reclaiming integrity.
And sometimes, what we need to see is that our “non-relationship” is still a relationship… just one playing out through avoidance, vagueness, and spiritualized disconnection.
Because love, in truth, needs nothing to hide behind. And the more honest we are about our relationships, the more holy they become.
This Isn’t About Blame… It’s About Freedom
Let’s be clear: this isn’t a callout of any one person. It’s not about labeling someone as “avoidant” or “immature” or trying to shame anyone for their spiritual expressions. That’s not the point.
This is about recognizing spiritual bypassing in relationships and other patterns we’re all capable of playing into—especially the ones that feel spiritual, but actually keep intimacy at a distance. When those patterns are seen clearly, without judgment, they start to lose their grip. And that’s the invitation here: not to make anyone wrong, but to make the unconscious conscious… so that it can be gently released.
We all have our ways of protecting ourselves. We all have our ways of pretending not to need anything, even when our hearts are calling for depth and presence. Recognizing those ways with honesty and compassion is what allows healing to happen.
So if you find yourself in this dynamic, don’t use it to attack yourself or anyone else. Use it to wake up with love. Use it to remember that you don’t have to play these games anymore. You can be honest. You can be free. And you can let love be as clear and simple as it truly is. 🤍
If some of this article about spiritual bypassing in relationships spoke to you, consider it a gentle invitation to explore my website. Here I share short daily ACIM-inspired audio reflections (think of them as a gentle morning podcast of everyday miracles) and host Wisdom Dialogues gatherings—warm circles where seekers come together with humor, honesty, and heart. If your heart is calling for insight on love, you’ll find thoughtful guidance and writings on conscious relationships. The blog archive is full of kindred musings on love, awakening, and even those quirky ways we sometimes avoid what we most need. As you explore, I hope each offering feels like a gentle step toward deeper connection and inquiry. Rest assured, you’re always welcome just as you are—with all your questions and your glorious, perfectly imperfect self.
